I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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