Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
