Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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