I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
