it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
