I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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