FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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