I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
