Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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