Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
