Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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