Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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