If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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