Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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