We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
