"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My butt remains clenched, sir.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
