I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
