Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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