I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
