I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
