I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
