Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
