I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
