Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
