this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
