You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
