I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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