Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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