Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
