If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
