She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
