$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
