i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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