my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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