I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
