my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
