dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize