Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
