I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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