i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
