Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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