so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
