I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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