i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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