i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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