Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
