I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My vagina is officially offended.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
