how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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