His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
