You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
