I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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