she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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