I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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