how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
