you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
