Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
