i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
