dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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