Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
