What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
