Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
