Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
