I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
