end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
