I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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