I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
