she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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