consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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