Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
