med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
