look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
