Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
