My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
