I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need help removing her.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
